it's been a while....

welcome back.

so, i know it's damn frustrating that i haven't written in a while, and i don't have any excuse for why...actually, i did write, a few entries, they just never made it to the publising level- condemmed to be forever suspended in "draft" form. an incomplete life.

i spent some time tonight wondering when i'll find a guy that cares more about me than he does about himself- then i realized that i'm 23 and decided to procrastinate having that life reflection for a few more years.

still, it's hard not to look around and ask yourself every now and a again- is this all there is?
and what if this is it- guys who are too busy to be upfront, guys who are too busy to pitter patter their way through the course of a romance, guys who are too busy to be loving, too busy to care about something beyond the trials and tribulations of their day...too busy to call.

what if this is it, a multiple choice question i'm asked and i have to choose an answer? what would i pick? option F- none of the above, is that even a choice? let's assume not, if i had to choose what could i live without: a guy who is open and honest, romance, affection, conversation, or initiative? option A is not something i'd ever consider- i can't stand games, i can't stand dishonesty, option B would be curious enough- marriage without an engagement, that sort of thing. an adventure but with an ending that i may not necessarily want. option C- the guy who cares, just doesn't know how to show it, or maybe doesn't care enough to show it... a lack of affection would make me sad, not to mention would make for a ridiculously boring state of coupledom...and not something i would readily want, doable, i suppose, but not desireable (and esp not if it means that that affection would be lavished on someone else!!). Anyone who really knows me (or has really read this blog) knows that option D would be completely insufferable. I have a lot to say, but at the end of the day i want to be with someone who has a enough to say on his own, with enough conviction and passion, that i shut up and listen. that leaves me with option E, the guy who leaves everything up to me: we talk when i call, we eat when i make plans, we socialize on my terms, and we fight when i get frustrated with this situation. ya, that's not going to happen either.


hmm. picky?

i may just have to skip this question and hope that i score well enough on the rest of the exam to still come out ahead.