As a tribute to all of the bad dates i've been on:
For men, 10 things you should know about women
1) On pick up lines...
"What time is it?" is not an adequate pick up line. Ever. Seriously, think back- when was the last time that you asked a woman what time it was and she responded with "well, it's 5:30 and you can pick me up in 2 hours for dinner".
(This msg goes out the the fool who asked me what time it was today, carried on about ten mins of conversation then asked me for my number while pulling out his cell phone....that, suprisingly, had the time on it.)
2) On attachment...
Women like the chase as well, an easy man isn't worth having. Basically- never follow us too closely, unless ,of course, you're a dog.
3) On tardiness...
When we do it, we're being fashionably late. When you do it, you're being annoying.
4) On eye contact...
Treat us, if you will, much like you'd treat a solar eclipse. A short quick look is enough to shock and awe...stare too long and you'll burn your eyes out.
5) On dining out...
Women, apparently, produce over half the worlds food but only own 1% of its farmlands. So, really, it is perfectly OK for you to pick up the tab, even if we offer- at least on the first date.
Also, let us order first. It's only polite and allows you to see how much we're ordering and then order MORE so we don't seem like pigs. We'll love you for it, trust me.
6) On dining in...
Inviting us to your house for dinner for the first date will never ever get a yes- you'll come across as el creepo in a ted bundy sort of way. And, when we finally do accept, don't cook for us unless you can cook. please. just order in- pizza and a movie is always prefered over indigestion.
7) On compliments...
You can never give us too many sincere compliments. To be honest, you can never give us too many exaggerated ones either ;)
8) On conversation...
I don't want to hear about the woman you nearly "boinged" last week, nor do i want to hear about the one you will try to boing next week- and if you choose to talk about how playing Halo 2 improves the dexterity in your fingers, you damn well better be able to prove it.
The safe bet is to talk about us- a topic that is near and dear to our hearts and one that we are infinetly knowledgeable about ;) kidding...of course (before viv starts his ranting).
9) On dancing...
Don't, unless you're very very good- and you're only very very good if a woman other than your mother has told you so. But if you simply must- and you really can't- be kind and watch out for our toes.
10) On kissing...
If you have to ask if you can, you can't.
For men, 10 things you should know about women
1) On pick up lines...
"What time is it?" is not an adequate pick up line. Ever. Seriously, think back- when was the last time that you asked a woman what time it was and she responded with "well, it's 5:30 and you can pick me up in 2 hours for dinner".
(This msg goes out the the fool who asked me what time it was today, carried on about ten mins of conversation then asked me for my number while pulling out his cell phone....that, suprisingly, had the time on it.)
2) On attachment...
Women like the chase as well, an easy man isn't worth having. Basically- never follow us too closely, unless ,of course, you're a dog.
3) On tardiness...
When we do it, we're being fashionably late. When you do it, you're being annoying.
4) On eye contact...
Treat us, if you will, much like you'd treat a solar eclipse. A short quick look is enough to shock and awe...stare too long and you'll burn your eyes out.
5) On dining out...
Women, apparently, produce over half the worlds food but only own 1% of its farmlands. So, really, it is perfectly OK for you to pick up the tab, even if we offer- at least on the first date.
Also, let us order first. It's only polite and allows you to see how much we're ordering and then order MORE so we don't seem like pigs. We'll love you for it, trust me.
6) On dining in...
Inviting us to your house for dinner for the first date will never ever get a yes- you'll come across as el creepo in a ted bundy sort of way. And, when we finally do accept, don't cook for us unless you can cook. please. just order in- pizza and a movie is always prefered over indigestion.
7) On compliments...
You can never give us too many sincere compliments. To be honest, you can never give us too many exaggerated ones either ;)
8) On conversation...
I don't want to hear about the woman you nearly "boinged" last week, nor do i want to hear about the one you will try to boing next week- and if you choose to talk about how playing Halo 2 improves the dexterity in your fingers, you damn well better be able to prove it.
The safe bet is to talk about us- a topic that is near and dear to our hearts and one that we are infinetly knowledgeable about ;) kidding...of course (before viv starts his ranting).
9) On dancing...
Don't, unless you're very very good- and you're only very very good if a woman other than your mother has told you so. But if you simply must- and you really can't- be kind and watch out for our toes.
10) On kissing...
If you have to ask if you can, you can't.
posted by Sound & Sense at 10:47 PM
13 Comments:
(before viv starts his ranting)
Oh... it's on now.
My points of contention:
1) On pick up lines...
Do away with them. A simple "Hello", should be enough. Unless of course a guy has some absolutely amazing pickup line. But that is so subjective.
2) On attachment...
Guys don't like a woman who's too easy either. But mindgames suck. And make the chase too long and you risk having the guy lose interest.
3) On tardiness...
Actually, it's annoying for guys as well. There is no such thing called Fashionably late. If we say "Dinner is at 8 pm" or "The show starts at 8 pm" or "Event X occurs at time Y" we expect you to be there at time Y +/- 10 minutes. Saying "Oooh! I had to stop because I had to fix my eye-makeup!" or "My nail broke!" or "A Friends re-run was on and I simply HAD to watch the ending even though I have already seen the episode ten thousand times!" doesn't cut it. Be on time!
4) On eye contact...
During the course of contact, intermittent eye contact is good and necessary. Because if we only looked once and then looked away and never looked back, you'd accuse us of being disinterested.
5) On dining out...
You have no idea how much the tab issue is a source of consternation and confusion for guys. Pick up the tab, and you might be a sexist - you know, you might be implying that she cannot pay for it herself. On the other hand, if you don't pick it up, you're not being chivalrous. So at the beginning of dinner, let the guys know what's going to happen - going dutch is perfectly fine.
8) On conversation...
Ok, conversation is also hard. Because guys have things like "Am I talking too much? Do I appear bored? Maybe I should let her talk! Am I talking too much? Am I boring? What should I talk about next? CRAP! AWKWARD SILENCE! What do I say next?! WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT! PEARS??! PEARS??! GOD I'm SO STUPID!!". So encourage the guy from time to time by offering up a topic. And yes, I guess talking about the girl is a safe bet because it does provide us a welcome respite from having to think about what to say next. And since women can go on and on and on about themselves... so go ahead... as long as there are no followup questions! ;)
9) On dancing...
Well... this is not a problem for me. ;)
10) On kissing...
Yeah, asking is so unromantic. But make sure you make it obvious to him you're open to a kiss. And I mean REALLY obvious. Subtlety doesn't work.
like i said, viv ranting ;)
yeah... ok!
Poor viv. Wow you have a voice about everything. That is good. Anyway, I think the last point is good to a certain degree though, because I wouldn't mind the guy asking, because i am a real finicky person. Definitely on the first point, viv has a point. A simple "Hello" will do. Nothing fancy pancy!
yo girlie, what time is it? Cuz I think its time to get to know you better...
hey what time is it? 8:00? Thanks. I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you.
hey, it can work...
;)
wow this raj guy seems a bit weird ? hehe
smooth raj, you romeo you. creepy? yes, but some chicks dig that ;)
i stand corrected- boys, "what time is it?" is back on the table.
yeah, you said it Ila.
That raj guy is totally creepy - i mean what kind of person reads a random blog and writes cheesy pick-up lines?
jeez
but on the bright side - i think you have a secret admirer sadhana.
:)
wonderful! hopefully he's a cutie.
hmm,actually, hopefully he's a he ;)
me acuerdo contigo, sadhu akka ;)
woman....who are you? :) i have been waiting all my life to meet someone like you. all my life, hmmm.. thanks for the tips on pick up lines, i have a theory about 'coffee' and 'women' when it comes to that.
haha, thanks s-square, i do what i can to inform and educate- take care.
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