I'm dead tired- 7 some odd hours of dance today have left my feet burning and my eyes heavy.

My bed is looking mighty fine right now, plush and cool to the touch, but before i enjoy it i'd like to write for a moment or two about inspiration, the elusive mistress.

A breath of fresh air, at it's most basic level. People starve, gasp, beg- kill to know her. Elusive, musical- speaking to each of us in a different way- as she is, it seems that more and more, found less and less. Or perhaps we are just no longer attuned to her calls. It seems now a days, the best way to find her is through a path someone elses forges... at least that way, we know she can be reached, and we hope that when we reach that point of inspiration it'll push us to greatness like it did those before us.

earlier today- so early it should very well be called yesterday- i was directed by a friend, his pupil, toward a website. Being that it was early then and i was in bed enroute to la la land, i only got the chance to visit a bit ago:

http://www.quantumjujitsu.com/

Sensei Stephen Copping- i wasn't meant to know his living self, but his tribute was enough to reveal what a truly amazing and giving soul he was.

he is to my friend who my guru is to me- the ideal self.
the person who, when i grow up, i hope i grow to be. She's an incredible woman- a mother, a wife, a teacher, a physician, a friend and director of an arts academy where my sister and i go to study dance. she's my grand aunt actually- but dance is what brought ourlives together. my need to learn and her need to teach.
Right now i'm not a writer of caliber enough to articulate exactly how important this woman and the gifts she has blessed me with are, perhaps someday, at which point i wouldn't be able to help but share it with all of you- but for now... she has and forever will be a continuous force of sheer inspiration that pushes me to think and be a bigger self than i'm ever, seemingly, ready to be.

with that said, i watched it first by myself. a few tears (norah jones will do that to you) later i called my mother over.

she was on the phone, but i hit play anyway. she chatted for a bit then something, not sure what, caught her eye, and she told whomever was on the other end of the phone that she'd call them back in a bit. then she put her arm across my shoulder and there we were- me sitting, her standing, watching in silence. when it was over she kissed my forehead and asked if i wanted to call england.

i smiled and shook my head no, it was enough at that point that i was understood and that i understood my friend.

most people move in and out of ourlives leaving, really, very little behind...we squint to place names with faces and faces with memories. but there are those, those who, against all odds made it into ourlives and stuck- and will continue to do so.
today, tomorrow and 20, 30 years from now be it as a memory, a picture, an internet tribute, pushing us to walk through life with our heads a little straighter and standing a little taller than we ever thought possible. to them, the force that binds, we are eternally grateful.


i miss her, and for him, i miss him as well.